I can’t live without you.

The social imperatives of our Stone Age brethren were fairly simple — food, water, shelter, sex. These elements were fundamental to both personal survival and the perpetuation of the species. The meta-imperative? – don’t get killed. So, what might be the best way not to get killed? The most obvious answer would appear to be belonging to a group — live in a group, sleep in a group, travel in a group, hunt in a group – stay alive.

Our modern need for community and striving for connection runs in a straight line right back to this survival strategy. If we are part of “the group” — if we are loved and not rejected — we will survive. This premise holds even if that “group” to which we want to be connected is a single individual. If we are left out or feel rejected by “the group”, then we will not survive. No wonder we work so hard to stay “in” at both the group and the individual level.

From here, it also stands to reason that one of the reasons social and emotional rejection of any sort is so dreadfully painful for us is that it taps a hardwired response linking directly to the avoidance of our imminent, or at least potential, demise. The phrase, “I can’t live without you.” from this perspective might be taken quite literally, at least as a perception.