Untangling thoughts

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Often, we are so identified with our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations that we don’t realize that these are momentary phenomena — they come and go. We get so caught up in them that they become habitual, taking on a life of their own, and owning us in the process.“By default, most of us spend almost every waking second of our life thinking without knowing that we’re thinking,” says Sam Harris, a leading neuroscientist, “We feel identical to our thoughts, and so we’re held hostage by them.”

With effort, you can observe what your brain is thinking about and also what it’s doing with those thoughts — the feelings, ideas, emotions, and urges it’s producing. This capability falls into a category that psychologists sometimes call metacognition – basically, thinking about thinking. And there’s evidence that practicing this sort of mental self-awareness holds immense therapeutic power.

“Introducing this idea of self-monitoring is one of the first steps in cognitive behavioral therapy,” says Michelle Newman, professor of psychology and psychiatry at Penn State University. “When you have a greater awareness of what the brain is doing, you can take a step back and take a more objective view of the world and your reactions to it.”

In quantum physics, there’s a phenomenon known as the observer effect: Scientists, where certain subatomic particles change their behavior when under observation. And the closer the observation, the greater the change. Brewer says that something similar seems to happen when people pay closer attention to their own minds.

When we start observing, we find that we can’t be as caught up in, or identified with, our thoughts and emotions.

Self-awareness: “To thine own self be true.”

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Moral resilience is grounded in moral conscientiousness. It reflects a vigilance to live in ways that are aligned with who we are and what we stand for in the midst of situations that appear to be incommensurate with integrity. This vigilance or desire to be moral requires that we are fundamentally aware of what values, commitments, and imperatives actually comprise our moral core — and this means regularly examining these things, otherwise, we run the risk of becoming complacent or losing our moral sensitivity. At the same time, we want to avoid becoming rigid or dogmatic.

Being self-aware is an intentional embodied dance that requires continually exploring our feelings, thoughts, and desires — and to do so humbly, carefully, and courageously, with honesty. We also must do so with transparency, that is being willing to acknowledge when our convictions have become biased, distorted, shortsighted, or incorrect; likewise, being open to possible change, revision, or alternative outcomes. The ability to be self-aware makes room for us to discover possibilities for responding to morally distressing situations with our head held high, eyes wide open, shoulders relaxed, and grounded confidence in our core, with the least personal cost.

The twelve competencies of emotional intelligence

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According to Daniel Goleman, internationally known psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence, Social Intelligence, and Working with Emotional Intelligence; Emotional Self Awareness is the ability to know your own emotions and their effects on your performance and it involves 12 competencies:

• Self-Regulate is the ability to keep your disruptive emotions and impulses in check in order to maintain your effectiveness under stressful or even hostile conditions. 
• Positivity is the ability to see the best in people, situations, and events so you can be persistent in pursuing goals despite setbacks and obstacles. 
• Achieve means that you strive to meet or exceed a standard of excellence by embracing challenges, taking calculated risks and looking for ways to do things better.
• Adaptability means you can stay focused on your goals, but easily adjust how you get there. You remain flexible in the face of change can juggle multiple demands, and are open to new situations, ideas or innovative approaches. 
• Empathy means you have the ability to sense others’ feelings; have a desire to understand how they see things; and take an active interest in their concerns. 
• Organizational Awareness is the ability to read a group’s emotional currents and power relationships, identifying influencers, networks, and the dynamics that matter in decision-making. 
• Influence refers to the ability to have a positive impact on others and meaningfully engage people in order to get buy-in or gain their support. 
• Coach is the ability to further the learning or development of others by understanding their goals, challenging them, giving them timely feedback, and offering them support. 
• Inspire is the ability to bring your best and motivate others around a shared mission or purpose in order to get the job done.
• Teamwork is the ability to work with others toward a shared goal; build spirit and positive relationships; encourage active participation; and share responsibility and rewards among members of a group.
• Conflict Management is the ability to work through tense or highly charged situations by tactfully bringing disagreements into the open, seeking to understand multiple perspectives, and searching for common ground in order to find solutions people can agree to.

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Who I am?

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Not a believer in the mosque am I,
Nor a disbeliever with his rites am I.
I am not pure amongst the impure,
I am neither Moses nor Pharaoh.
Bulleh, I know not who I am.

Not in the holy books am I,
Nor do I dwell in bhang or wine,
Nor do I live in a drunken haze,
Nor in sleep or waking known.
Bulleh, I know not who I am.

Not in happiness or in sorrow am I found.
I am neither pure nor mired in the filthy ground.
Not of water nor of land,
Nor am I in air or fire to be found.
Bulleh, I know not who I am.

Not an Arab nor Lahori,
Not a Hindi or Nagouri,
Nor a Muslim or Peshawari,
Not a Buddhist or a Christian.
Bulleh, I know not who I am.

Secrets of religion have I not unraveled,
I am not of Eve and Adam.
Neither still nor moving on,
I have not chosen my own name!
Bulleh, I know not who I am.

From first to last, I searched myself.
None other did I succeed in knowing.
Not some great thinker am I.
Who is standing in my shoes, alone?
Bulleh, I know not who I am.

― Bulleh Shah