Conflicting

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The prohibitions we build against our intimate fulfillment come in different forms and originate in all kinds of unresolved issues. Without realizing it, we fall into self-created traps from which it’s difficult to escape. We may unconsciously make choices, one after the other, that create a dissonance between who we are and how we live, what we want and what we can offer, what we desire and what we ask for so that we protect ourselves from showing and getting in touch with our raw selves. In one way or another, we stubbornly perpetuate situations that keep us safe.

On a path toward change, we embark on new roads, take turns, sometimes traverse dark tunnels and emerge in uncharted territories. These are all tracks that contribute to shaping who we become. One change paves the way for another, so a small step can overturn a whole catalog of undesired habits. We learn by doing. We all deserve to find what it is that, more than anything else, matters to us and makes us vibrate with life. We need to be authentic.

Already at the end of the nineteenth century, William James had recognized that change could be initiated by a shift in mental habits. He wrote: “Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, ‘This is the real me,’ and when you have found that attitude, follow it.”

In neuroscience, this translates into small adjustments in the way neurons fire that, repetition after repetition, have the power to make us come out of a habitual rut of behavior and settle on a better track, shifting, for instance, automated responses of fear to attitudes of positivity, or inaction into purpose.

Habits respond to cues that trigger them. Over time, habits ossify and become so encrusted in behavioral riffs because, in one way or another, they reward us. In order to break habits, we need to recognize those cues and avoid them or force ourselves to respond to them differently, to experiment with new rewards.

~ Frazzetto, Giovanni. Together, Closer

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The art of showing up

In the book, Atomic Habits, James Clear wisely shares a principle he calls “the art of showing up.”

He tells the story of a man who wanted to establish a habit of going to the gym every day. So he spent the first six weeks limiting himself to only five minutes in the gym.

He’d go to the gym every day for five minutes, and then force himself to leave!

Why wouldn’t he just stay if he was already there?

Because he wanted to establish the habit of just showing up.

As Clear states, “You cannot optimize what you don’t have.”

People focus too much on the end-game, rather than starting. Most of the friction to success is getting yourself going.

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Power of habit

Why do we do develop habits? And how can we change them? Why can some people change overnight, and some stay stuck in their old ruts?

We can always change. If you do just about anything frequently enough over time, you will form a habit that will control you.

And its more powerful than you can imagine.

Habit is probably the most powerful tool in your brain’s toolbox. It is driven by a golf-ball-sized lump of tissue called the basal ganglia at the base of the cerebrum. It is so deep-seated and instinctual that we are not conscious of it, though it controls our actions.

Good habits are those that get you to do what your “upper-level you” wants, and bad habits are those that are controlled by your “lower-level you” and stand in the way of your getting what your “upper-level you” wants.

– Dalio, Ray. Principles: Life and Work

Research suggests that if you stick with a behavior for approximately eighteen months, you will build a strong tendency to stick to it nearly forever.

Habits aren’t destiny. They’re science, one which can transform our our lives.