Abundance

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The abundance mentality is the paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody. Most people are deeply scripted in what is called the scarcity mentality. The scarcity mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life. People with a scarcity mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit—even with those who help in the production. They also have a very hard time being genuinely happy for the successes of other people—even, and sometimes especially, members of their own family or close friends and associates. Their sense of worth comes from being compared, and someone else’s success, to some degree, means their failure. They give their energies to possessing things or other people in order to increase their sense of worth. They want other people to be the way they want them to be. They often want to clone them, and they surround themselves with “yes” people—people who won’t challenge them, people who are weaker than they. It’s difficult for people with a scarcity mentality to be members of a complementary team. They look at differences as signs of insubordination and disloyalty.

The abundance mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, recognition, profits, of decisions making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity. It takes the personal joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment and turns it outward, appreciating the uniqueness, the inner direction, and the proactive nature of others. It recognizes the unlimited possibilities for positive interactive growth and development, creating new third alternatives.

~ Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Ethos, pathos, and logos

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The early Greeks had a magnificent philosophy that is embodied in three sequentially arranged words: ethos, pathos, and logos. Three words contain the essence of seeking first to understand and making effective presentations.

Ethos is your personal credibility, the faith people have in your integrity and competency. It’s the trust that you inspire, your emotional bank account.

Pathos is the empathic side—it’s the feeling. It means that you are in alignment with the emotional thrust of another person’s communication.

Logos is the logic, the reasoning part of the presentation.

This sequence represents another major paradigm shift. Most people go straight to the logos, the left brain logic, of their ideas. They try to convince other people of the validity of that logic without first taking ethos and pathos into consideration.

~ Covey, Stephen R.. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Principled negotiation

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Roger Fisher and William Ury, two Harvard law professors, have done some outstanding work in what they call the “principled” approach versus the “positional” approach to bargaining in their tremendously useful and insightful book, Getting to Yes. Although the words Win/Win are not used, the spirit and underlying philosophy of the book are in harmony with the Win/Win approach. They suggest that the essence of principled negotiation is to separate the person from the problem, to focus on interests and not on positions, to invent options for mutual gain, and to insist on objective criteria—some external standard or principle that both parties can buy into.

Win/Win or No Deal

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No Deal basically means that if we can’t find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeably—No Deal.

No expectations have been created, and no agreement established. It is so much better to realize this upfront instead of downstream when expectations have been created and both parties have been disillusioned. When you have

No Deal as an option in your mind, you feel liberated because you have no need to manipulate people, push your own agenda, to drive for what you want. You can be open. You can really try to understand the deeper issues underlying the positions.

With No Deal as an option, you can honestly say, “I only want to go for Win/Win. I want to win, and I want you to win. I wouldn’t want to get my way and have you not feel good about it, because downstream it would eventually surface and create a withdrawal. On the other hand, I don’t think you would feel good if you got your way and I gave in. So let’s work for a Win/Win. Let’s really hammer it out. And if we can’t find it, then let’s agree that we won’t make a deal at all. It would be better not to deal than to live with a decision that wasn’t right for us both. Then maybe another time we might be able to get together.”

~ Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Maturity

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Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. According to Professor Hrand Saxenian, Harvard Business School, ” it is the ability to express one’s own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others.”

If you examine many of the psychological tests used for hiring, promoting, and training purposes, you will find that they are designed to evaluate this kind of maturity. Whether it’s called the ego strength/ empathy balance, the self-confidence/ respect for others balance, the concern for people/concern for tasks balance, “I’m okay, you’re okay” in transactional analysis language, or 9.1, 1.9, 5.5, 9.9, in management grid language—the quality sought for is the balance of what is courage and consideration. While courage may focus on getting the golden egg, consideration deals with the long-term welfare of the other stakeholders.

The basic task of leadership is to increase the standard of living and the quality of life for all stakeholders. Many people think in dichotomies, in either/or terms. They think if you’re nice, you’re not tough. But Win/Win is nice… and tough. It’s twice as tough as Win/Lose. To go for Win/Win, you not only have to be nice, but you also have to be courageous. You not only have to be empathic, but you also have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, but you also have to be brave. To do that, to achieve that balance between courage and consideration is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to Win/Win.

High courage and consideration are both essential to Win/Win. It is the balance that is the mark of real maturity.

~ Covey, Stephen R.. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People