Seeking feedback is the key to building a skill

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Without feedback either from yourself or from outside observers — you cannot figure out what you need to improve on or how close you are to achieving your goals.

Feedback is essential for identifying areas for improvement and gaining a realistic view of your progress. Whether one-on-one coaching with a teacher, mentor, or peer or some form of self-assessment, you need a means of pinpointing your strengths and weaknesses. This is the only way to identify and work through trouble spots and advance from “just ok” to true mastery of a skill.

Process or result

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We only really see results achieved by people on the TV or the internet. We don’t see the work. We don’t see the daily hardships. We don’t see the mental pressures of sportspeople, just them in action on the field. That’s what forms the image of what that kind of life would be like.

We don’t see behind the scenes, which is 90% of that life. The training, the rehearsing, the dealing with sharks, the constant criticism, the pressure of performing at a top level every single time. That 90% is barely factored into the image of the life we’re chasing. But deep down, we know it’s there. And if we can’t cope with it, we’ll sabotage ourselves to protect ourselves from it.

So by looking deeper and realizing just how horrible it can be, we can start to reassess. Do we want the big life, pressures and all, or just the surface image? If we’re just chasing the image but couldn’t deal with the real world behind that image, our minds will have other ideas and put the brakes on it.

Self sabotage

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Self-sabotage comes up a lot in the world of self-improvement. It’s hard to improve when the person holding us back is us. But underneath the concept lies a pretty huge question:

Do we really want the thing we’re so desperately chasing?

Our minds are pretty complicated things. One part of us can chase the dream with grit and determination, while another part hides in the background and says no, that’s a terrible idea. Then it stealthily sabotages us and we kick ourselves for messing up, not realizing that it was our own decision to mess up all along, even if a subconscious one.

So the answer can be both yes and no. Our conscious minds say yes, but our unconscious mind, which is in charge of keeping us safe and alive, says no. Our problem-solving, thinking mind may have access to the accelerator, but our safety-driven unconscious has access to the brakes.

Passion + Perseverence = Achievement

Have you ever met someone who thrives through adversity, and who transforms their pain into opportunities for growth? In her book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela Duckworth describes these types of people as possessing grit. From her research, she has found that grit is what separates those who are successful from those who fail.

So, what is grit, you may ask?

In the words of Angela Duckworth herself,

“Grit is sticking with your future, day in and day out, and not just for the week, not just for the month, but years.”

If you want to achieve your goals, you have to be willing to do anything and everything. I believe that the most meaningful goals require an insane amount of hard work, determination, discipline, commitment, and sacrifice. But get real with yourself — are you ready to go all-in? How bad do you want to succeed?

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Doing things differently

Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”

While I don’t view that choice as insane, I do see it as a common trap that most of us fall into during our lives. Why? We’re humans.

Human beings are creatures of routine. Even the most spontaneous among us stick to a lot of routines and habits in life. For us, it is challenging to try different approaches to the problems in our life.

Yet, that phrase still holds true. If you want different results than what you’re getting, you have to try different approaches.

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Pain + Reflections = Progress

The challenges you face will test and strengthen you. If you’re not failing, you’re not pushing your limits, and if you’re not pushing your limits, you’re not maximizing your potential.

There is no avoiding pain, especially if you’re going after ambitious goals.

Believe it or not, you are lucky to feel that kind of pain if you approach it correctly, because it is a signal that you need to find solutions so you can progress. If you can develop a reflexive reaction to psychic pain that causes you to reflect on it rather than avoid it, it will lead to your rapid learning/evolving.

In other words, pain is an important signal that there is something to be learned, and if you reflect on your pain well, you will almost always learn something important.

– Dalio, Ray. Author, Principles: Life and Work