Angela Lee Duckworth, in her book – Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance; makes a very convincing case that the determining factor of success in life isn’t talent, but grit. That is true for interpersonal relationships as well. Grit is more important than the equivalent of talent in relationships; what we call “chemistry,” “connection,” or even love?
Duckworth says that in order to be gritty and stick to an activity, it helps greatly if we’re interested in it.
The same is true for people. We must foster a sense of wonder about their thoughts, emotions, passions, and personalities.
The emotion of wonder is like brain candy. If I ever made the mistake of revealing the secret, their brains would stop wondering and disappointment was inevitable. The same is true for movies, books, and television shows. If someone tells us how it ends before we experience it ourselves, then we get disappointed (and probably angry) because our brain was robbed of the opportunity to wonder.
When you catch yourself saying “I’ve tried everything,” it’s a sure sign that you’re losing interest in that person. You’re starting to expect and assume that they will let you down. You’re starting to judge their message before it’s even been delivered.
Where there is no wonder there is only disappointment. Bring the wonder back. Be interested in this person again. Change the above statements to wonder-filled questions like: “I wonder what is going through his mind right now?”
We’ve given up being curious about one another because we’re too wrapped up in being interested in ourselves! Don’t let that be you. Develop a keen interest in others.
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